I went into B&Q yesterday. I was wandering around in the garden section, when an orange-clad assistant approached me. I said that I was looking to create somewhere to sit out in the summer and admire my garden. He said that I needed decking. Reacting quickly for once, I managed to get the first decent punch in and that pretty much ended things.
There’s plenty more where this came from. Join CIX for more jokes.
There’s been some interesting debate in the cars conference on the subject of speed limits.
30mph greener than 20mph
http://driving.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/driving/article3248132.ece
“The results, calculated by averaging the performances of the two cars, also showed that reducing the speed limit from 30mph to 20mph resulted in 10 per cent higher emissions. This is because car engines are designed to be most efficient at speeds above 30mph.
A motorist who observed the speed limit on one mile of 20mph road during a daily journey would produce an extra tonne of CO2 in a year compared with driving at 30mph on the same stretch.”
What do you think ? Join cix to continue the debate.
One very useful conference on CIX has reviews of some of the 5,500 conferences that exist. John Stean, the moderator of the conference, has given me permission to repost the reviews here.
One popular conference is dedicated to “Do It Yourself” :
As spring arrives and the sun comes out, the primeval instincts in man leap to the fore. In the age old fashion his thoughts once more alight on those humble tools within his abode; the hammer, the angle grinder, the variable speed cordless drill with hammer action, the five gear automatic transmission circular saw and so on, and he sets about the many and varied tasks he must do to repair and improve his dwelling place.
Soon the peaceful sounds of nature are pierced by the buzz of electric motors interspersed with howls of pain as hammer lands upon thumb, or hedge trimmer neatly slices through mains cord, whilst little Johnny steps on a nail left poking through a piece of wood and wood shavings transport themselves into every corner of the house.
At times like these you may find the cix:diy conference to be a valuable resource. There you may find bronzed and wrinkled cixen with grey eyes and a steely grip who will examine your handiwork with a rueful eye and explain at length and in detail which way round to hold the saw and what the benefits of a residual current breaker will bring.
It took me years to find this conference where a router is a different animal to the wotsit that sorts out network addresses, where men are men and know how to saw straight, and everybody can see the beauty in a top of the range pressure washer. Since then, to my surprise, it has turned outto be one of the most useful on CIX.
Highly recommended! Loads of topics.
cix:diy/2wiring – electrical
cix:diy/books
cix:diy/building_work – the big heavy stuff
cix:diy/car_fix
cix:diy/2plumbing
cix:diy/2heating
cix:diy/paint_etc
cix:diy/suppliers
cix:diy/hints_and_tips
cix:diy/tools_review
cix:diy/general
cix:diy/chatter – not much. These guys don’t waste their words. Know what
I mean…
Participants: 355
Traffic: heavy
Are you interested in DIY? You won’t be alone on CIX.
The majority of CIX members ( cixen ) live in the United Kingdom, however there are a number of expats logging into CIX from around the world. Conference members discuss local topics and can give advice to prospective tourists about things to do and places to see. Here are some of the most popular country based conferences :
Europe is well represented with conferences for France, Italy, Belgium, Greece, The Netherlands, Portugal, Spain, Switzerland and Denmark.
North America has both conferences for both Canada for the cannucks and Uncle_sam for all things America related.
There are conferences for New Zealand and Australia for the cixen living down under.
cix:Expat a general conference for expats around the world.
Where in the world do you live ? You can join an existing cix conference or you can start your own!
Here’s another joke email that’s been doing the rounds at the office I posted in cix:jokes
FRENCH TRADER WAS FORCED TO WORK 30 HOURS A WEEK
FRIENDS of rogue trader Jerome Kerviel last night blamed his $7 billion losses on unbearable levels of stress brought on by a punishing 30 hour week.
Kerviel was known to start work as early as nine in the morning and still be at his desk at five or even five-thirty, often with just an hour and a half for lunch.
One colleague said: “He was, how you say, une workaholique. I have a family and a mistress so I would leave the office at around 2pm at the latest, if I wasn’t on strike.
“But Jerome was tied to that desk. One day I came back to the office at 3pm because I had forgotten my stupid little hat, and there he was, fast asleep on the photocopier.
“At first I assumed he had been having sex with it, but then I remembered he’d been working for almost six hours.”
As the losses mounted, Kerviel tried to conceal his bad trades by covering them with an intense red wine sauce, later switching to delicate pastry horns.
At one point he managed to dispose of dozens of transactions by hiding them inside vol-au-vent cases and staging a fake reception.
Last night a spokesman for Sócíété Générálé denied that Kerviel was overworked, insisting he lost the money after betting that the French were about to stop being rude, lazy, arrogant b ** tards.
