jokes

February 17, 2008

I went into B&Q yesterday. I was wandering around in the garden section, when an orange-clad assistant approached me. I said that I was looking to create somewhere to sit out in the summer and admire my garden. He said that I needed decking. Reacting quickly for once, I managed to get the first decent punch in and that pretty much ended things.

There’s plenty more where this came from. Join CIX for more jokes.

Popular Post: 30mph speed limit greener than 20mph

February 17, 2008

There’s been some interesting debate in the cars conference on the subject of speed limits.

30mph greener than 20mph
http://driving.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/driving/article3248132.ece

“The results, calculated by averaging the performances of the two cars, also showed that reducing the speed limit from 30mph to 20mph resulted in 10 per cent higher emissions. This is because car engines are designed to be most efficient at speeds above 30mph.

A motorist who observed the speed limit on one mile of 20mph road during a daily journey would produce an extra tonne of CO2 in a year compared with driving at 30mph on the same stretch.”

What do you think ? Join cix to continue the debate.

Reviews of Conferences : DIY ( Do it Yourself)

February 7, 2008

One very useful conference on CIX has reviews of some of the 5,500 conferences that exist. John Stean, the moderator of the conference, has given me permission to repost the reviews here.

One popular conference is dedicated to “Do It Yourself” :

As spring arrives and the sun comes out, the primeval instincts in man leap to the fore. In the age old fashion his thoughts once more alight on those humble tools within his abode; the hammer, the angle grinder, the variable speed cordless drill with hammer action, the five gear automatic transmission circular saw and so on, and he sets about the many and varied tasks he must do to repair and improve his dwelling place.

Soon the peaceful sounds of nature are pierced by the buzz of electric motors interspersed with howls of pain as hammer lands upon thumb, or hedge trimmer neatly slices through mains cord, whilst little Johnny steps on a nail left poking through a piece of wood and wood shavings transport themselves into every corner of the house.

At times like these you may find the cix:diy conference to be a valuable resource. There you may find bronzed and wrinkled cixen with grey eyes and a steely grip who will examine your handiwork with a rueful eye and explain at length and in detail which way round to hold the saw and what the benefits of a residual current breaker will bring.

It took me years to find this conference where a router is a different animal to the wotsit that sorts out network addresses, where men are men and know how to saw straight, and everybody can see the beauty in a top of the range pressure washer. Since then, to my surprise, it has turned outto be one of the most useful on CIX.

Highly recommended! Loads of topics.

cix:diy/2wiring – electrical
cix:diy/books
cix:diy/building_work – the big heavy stuff
cix:diy/car_fix
cix:diy/2plumbing
cix:diy/2heating
cix:diy/paint_etc
cix:diy/suppliers
cix:diy/hints_and_tips
cix:diy/tools_review
cix:diy/general
cix:diy/chatter – not much. These guys don’t waste their words. Know what
I mean…

Participants: 355
Traffic: heavy

Are you interested in DIY? You won’t be alone on CIX.

Where do cixen live?

February 4, 2008

The majority of CIX members ( cixen ) live in the United Kingdom, however there are a number of expats logging into CIX from around the world. Conference members discuss local topics and can give advice to prospective tourists about things to do and places to see. Here are some of the most popular country based conferences :

Europe is well represented with conferences for France, Italy, Belgium, Greece, The Netherlands, Portugal, Spain, Switzerland and Denmark.
North America has both conferences for both Canada for the cannucks and Uncle_sam for all things America related.

There are conferences for New Zealand and Australia for the cixen living down under.

cix:Expat a general conference for expats around the world.

Where in the world do you live ? You can join an existing cix conference or you can start your own!

Jokes about SocGen

February 2, 2008

Here’s another joke email that’s been doing the rounds at the office I posted in cix:jokes

FRENCH TRADER WAS FORCED TO WORK 30 HOURS A WEEK

FRIENDS of rogue trader Jerome Kerviel last night blamed his $7 billion losses on unbearable levels of stress brought on by a punishing 30 hour week.
Kerviel was known to start work as early as nine in the morning and still be at his desk at five or even five-thirty, often with just an hour and a half for lunch.

One colleague said: “He was, how you say, une workaholique. I have a family and a mistress so I would leave the office at around 2pm at the latest, if I wasn’t on strike.

“But Jerome was tied to that desk. One day I came back to the office at 3pm because I had forgotten my stupid little hat, and there he was, fast asleep on the photocopier.

“At first I assumed he had been having sex with it, but then I remembered he’d been working for almost six hours.”

As the losses mounted, Kerviel tried to conceal his bad trades by covering them with an intense red wine sauce, later switching to delicate pastry horns.

At one point he managed to dispose of dozens of transactions by hiding them inside vol-au-vent cases and staging a fake reception.

Last night a spokesman for Sócíété Générálé denied that Kerviel was overworked, insisting he lost the money after betting that the French were about to stop being rude, lazy, arrogant b ** tards.

Free stuff available.

January 31, 2008

One very popular conference is cix:free.

Got something to give away ? There’s usually someone who either wants it, knows someone else who might want it, or has got an idea where else you go to give it away.

I was trying to help my father get rid of an old bicycle of mine and while no one was interested in taking it, I got plenty of suggestions on ways to dispose of it including using www.freecycle.org or looking for something similar to www.motov8.org.uk

The latest items for free are :

Palmtop mags, Synergy 2100 or similar rechargeable battery, Several 17″ Iiyama glass monitors, Gnome slide projector magazines, CompactFlash Cards and PDA holster .

There’s lots lots more available, or if you have stuff to give away join CIX for a great place to post it.

Noticeboard conference, Got a question? You know who to ask.

January 21, 2008

One very popular conference is noticeboard. Got a question and you need help ? Post it in noticeboard. Recent questions included

“Anyone got a recording of that brilliant episode of such and such, my recorder packed up and the wife will kill me if we don’t see the last episode”

Anyone got any advice on carpet laying ?

Did England formally declare war over the Falklands.

Anyone know a place that can deliver champagne to someone in Basel, Switzerland. My advice is check http://www.basel.info . Antonius Lounge will apparently deliver pizza and DVD, they may be able to stretch to a bottle of bubbly.

Top 20 conferences

January 19, 2008

Here’s a list of the top 20 most active conferences on CIX with the number of posts

electronics 181
enquire_within 122
gussets_live! 96
jokes 51
gourmet 43
sasha_lubetkin 31
broadband 30
cars 30
bbc.radio 29
diy 28
windows_2003 26
bikers 25
mac 24
photo 24
archers 24
a_and_e 23
windows_vista 23
own.business 22
windows_xp 20
cix.support 20

As you can see there’s a wide range of topics and a high rate of posting. Are you interested in any of these topics? Join up today for a free one month trial.

Joke of the day

January 19, 2008

One conference that is usually very active is jokes.

Here’s a quick and funny one :

Two aerials meet on a roof – fall in love – get married.

The ceremony was rubbish, but the Reception was brilliant.

Boom Boom, as basil brush used to say. More jokes when I can’t think of anything else to post.

What’s the top discussion today ?

January 17, 2008

CIX recently launched a new online interface to the forums. If you are a cixen you can access it here.

Sadly I cant show you a screen shot, but the front page has the “Most popular” postings of the day. The top posting today is “Sad and Depression”. Ok, so that may not be what you want to discuss, but it shows the range of discussions that happen in the many thousands of conferences. Other discussions : cover a question on flickr in the photo conference, an upgrade dilemma in the hi-fi conference and Organ Donation in Sasha’s conference.

One of the major attractions of CIX if the use of Off Line Readers (OLR). The ability to download your unread messages to your local PC and read them offline. One of the many advantages of this off line reading is the speed of the user interface , since there is no server to slow down the display.

CIX supply an OLR name Ameol, ( A Most Excellent Off Line reader) There are many others including Polar for Psion, Augur and Parlence that runs on a Mac.


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